Is there a clan I can join next reset that won't end in my slow and completely unfun death of 16 countries?

I refuse to go to some website and sign-up. I'm looking for people who don't take this game that seriously.

Prolly not with that level of interaction. No tags gonna give you a kitchen pass to do whatever you want while you fly their banner. A clan hosting site is a necessary part of playing in a clan based game. Has nothing to do with taking fluff to seriously. Lighten up a bit. Then you may find some continuity with a group of players.

I understand if you're playing on phone, but its absolutely necessary to play any part in an established clan

you need to apply to alliance's site to get tag and pass and obey rules set by leader of alliance, in netting alliance no need to be that active insite, warring alliance like cc etc you need to log in daily atleast.

if you don't want to do above then play in solo tag.